Rant..........

1st of all I'm Pissed of at my so called cousin. This Big heart of mine will so so not put me in trouble. Abba father you see my heart ohhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm sure you are all wondering what I'm ranting about, Well Thieves broke into my house,Yeah in Obodo Oyinbo. I've Lived in my house for 9 yrs, 9 yrs I repeat, Ive left the key at the door and slept off several times and nothing I repeat Nothing has ever happened. So the annoying part about the whole thing was the broke in and stole my cousins laptop which happen to be on my bed and the 1st thing you see when u break in thru the window and move the head board of the bed. My cousin now has the nerve to ask me to explain to her how the house was robbed and it was only her laptop that was taken, E ma gba mi ohhhhhhhhh, Olorun ma je ki se ore daran,( People pls help me , may I not help and cause trouble for myself in the process). In short I will deal with her rubbish later. In short who knows if it isnt her that carried bad luck to the place self. This has never happened, I feel so bad it was her stuff and with her whining , I'm like why didn't they take any of my belongings and just leave hers so i can have freaking peace of mind. Its like i have become a suspect in my own home, Can u Imagine? On Top Laptop. Hmmm it is well, Pls God Miracle I want her out of the house as soon as possible, Pls make a way quick. I don't like this kinda rubbish.


2). My grandad called my mum and wants to know when I will be bringing Mr Right home so we can wrap the whole thing up. Pls can somborri help me ask him if I'm supposed to carry any random person and marry abi which kain thing be this ? PRINCE CHARMING , PRINCE CHARMING HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT YOU HAVE CAUSED? YOU BERRA COME OUT OHHH, YOUR GRAN FATHER -IN-LAW IS LOOKING FOR YOU!!!!

3). Although this is a rant, God has been faithful to me . I am thankful..........


4). I met the sweetest guy ever and I feel so bad I don't wanna date him. In short i cannot begin to explain the reasons out here. Shared the matter with too many people, no about to let the James Bonds I call friends, Fish me out......

5). I'm pissed at the yeye detective that came to my house for the crime scene, In short where is the betta NYPD. when u need them. Lol . I'm Just upset. They asked me wat I was doing with her laptop? Hello we live in the same house, Don't people need to go on the internet, and besides my laptop crashed and I took it to work for repairs.

I'm off to calm down, Will be back later........

Dear God

My Heavenly Father,


Ive been meaning to write you this letter for a long time, Words sometimes fail me and I feel like am so lost and down deep at the bottom of the pit. Some days I have so much faith in you and it keeps me going and believing that is too shall pass. I have this inner strength in me that tells me this storm is over and that is hasn't consumed me. I believe lord, I believe.

I wake up most days with gratitude in my heart cos I know you have done it. But sometimes daddy, the devil brings fear, I overthrow this hold through praise and worship and prayers, or sometimes just by simply quoting your words to myself. Father when they said your words are like sweet melody they werent lying. They calm me down and give me the assurance that you are still the unchangeable changer , The God of Possibilities.

Abba God, This matter weighs me down, Father as you come thru for Samson, One more time, father lord do it again for me. I know I have made too many promises in the past , father lord , look not on that but on your loving kindness and tender mercies and have mercy upon me your daughter. FATHER LORD I NEED YOUR MERCY!!! Pls lord remember me for Good as you remembered Nehemiah in the bible, All the good things I have done thru your grace and father have mercy on me. Pull me from his pit I'm falling into, Let shame disgrace, sorrow and weeping never know my name. GOD OF SUDDENLY ARISE TO MY CAUSE, You own the earth and all that is in , show the world you are my God, as you answered Elijah by fire, Lord answer me speedily, incline to my requests speedily, hear and grant my requests from the throne of Zion by fire.


Thank you lord. You are Indeed an Awesome God!!!

Love Your Daughter

Lasgidi..........

Neigbourhoods

Hey people,

I seem to have gotten over my wonderful ordeal or buried it. Whatever I have peace for now. So this week for some strange reason Ive had friends either married or about to get hitched moving houses or looking for in Nigeria. So we start talking about different neighbourhood's and wow boy ohh boy did it become very scary to me.

See growing up i lived in Surulere. Always been a lere girl, lol. Now when people mention that they are moving to certain areas it freaks me out E.G Iyana Iba, Sango Ota, Ketu, Ifo, Okoko. I'm not trying to bring down some areas or anything but it is weird when I try to imagine myself living in those areas. 1st of all I don't even have the faintest idea on how to get there, then moving there ? Lord ............

So after talking to my friends, I call up another friend, A guy and I tell him how the conversation scared the shit outta me,( Before you wonder why? I want to move back to Nigeria one of these days). Lets call my Friend Edi. So Edi says hmmm tell me which areas can you live in, Im like ok Surulere, Ikeja, Akoka, Yaba( Depends on the area), Ebute metta(hmmmm might not !), Festac, Mile 2 extension, Isolo, Okota, Gbagada (Bariga is so not included), Apapa(Hmmm dunno, its always flooded) and yes you know the other sides of lagos where everyone wants to live, Lekki, Vi etc But didnt mention those 1st, Being realistic you know........... So he says ohh madam if your hubby says you are living in Iyana Iba you betta go and find the best route there cos with marriage all your fantasies jump out the window. Im like damnnnnnnnnnnn. Abeg Thank God I'm not in that situation, cos nah cry ohhhhhhhhhhhh. God you see my heart desires, Please have mercy on me .....

From the Sun Shines outta my Ass to.......

I guess you are all wondering what my title is about. Well I will do the honours of telling. I broke up with Seth yesterday,It's been an on going storm and tried as much as possible for it to me a civil break up , but guess the dude had to tell me all the things he knew was wrong with me and that was one of them. THE SUN SHINES OUTTA YOUR ASS AND DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU DIFFERENTLY.
Cool I'm not mad at this , Its all good. So if I was so bad, why does he send me an email today apologising and asking me to BRING BACK THE SUNSHINE INTO HIS LIFE. Now I am worried, because I am confused as to where to get this sunshine from, Is it the one from my ASS?

Thinking about it over and over again, I agree I have a temper, but what kills me now is knowing he had no appreciation what so ever for anything and everything i did. I don't understand how some people can be so poor in their mind. Seriously, How can a grown man who thinks and believes he can lead a home utter such rubbish to me. How does he expect any woman at all to submit to him? Why do some men think just because they have balls BTW their thighs it gives them the right to dominate any woman and treat any thing she does as irrelevant? And one woman will wake up tomorrow and marry such and believe she has found a man. It is such a shame...............

With this experience, Ive come to Thank God, Because Ive come to realise that even when I thot he wasn't hearing me , He was indeed there every step of the way. I cant believe this idiot made me think i had all the issues. Thank God!!! Some men should be taken up to the northen part of Nigeria and Flogged till the Devil that has taken hold of them leaves them. This is why alot of women aren't nice to men at all. I can totally see where they are coming from. What the point of believing in a man, hoping and praying and giving it all uve got when he cant even see past his nose................

Breathe Gentle.....................

The Lyrics of this song Speak to me right now..................

Breathe Gentle by Tiziano Ferro.

I want to give you all of me -
the underneathWant you to show me imperfection is actually love
I thought, cursed - I was cursed -destined to be lonely
A circle in a world of squareswhere nobody knows me
So with every footstep I must
follow the kissing moments
I thought were impossible
Breathe gentle, Be gentle
Don't leave me behind
cause love goes faster
Breathe gentle, Be gentle
Never let me go when love goes faster
I will be gentle
See, photographs have only two dimensions
But love defies all logic in a picture
Above all that is physical, I'm falling
Falling uncontrollably - it terrifies me
So if my compass, it fails me
And I feel I'm walking blind
Don't say goodbye
Don't let me hide
Oh please don't let me spiral
Tortured by you, oh, sweet torture!
I am a pirate - love my fortune
The walls have fallen now
The key is yours to turn - I'm breathing
Breathe gentle, Be gentle...
Every time I run somehow love is faster
Without your loneliness is everlasting
I still feel you
But I hear you - loudlyScreaming - "please wait for me"Cause I don't want to hurt you
And I don't want to loose this love this time.
Se cerco lo vedol'
amore va veloce e tu stai indietro
Se cerchi mi vedi Il bene più segreto
sfugge all'uomo che non guarda avanti mai

Without A Care In The World

Howdy People.

It is a beautiful day and right now I want to be 5 again, I want to let my hair down and not be bothered by ANYTHING. I'll be like one of the Disney characters, live a fairy tale life and wait for prince charming to find me and after that we will live Happily Ever After. Yes !!!! or better still I'll modernise mine a bit and picture me travelling the world and seeing diff places , Cambodia, china , Chile Maui, Thailand, Brazil, Argentina, ohhhhhhhhhh lord, Just quit my job and go anywhere I want to go, Things would appear as I want them, Bills taken care off, no headache on how to make more money, just enjoying the view from the top of a hill, or mountain, skiiinggggggggggggggggggg hmmmmmmmmmm.

OK snap back to reality, I am at work right now, my head is all over the place, I lost my bank card, Ive cancelled it but I need to go to their branch to get a temporary one, I hate going to bank and am an accountant, Pls can someone tell me how that plays out? Well I have to clean my house this weekend, I have visitors and they have Kids, So u can imagine what has gone down.
I'm trying to focus on God and my goals and that has been so hard. Like I said my head is everywhere. My cousins have been sleeping in my room . I cant pray and have my alone time with God when their are people in my room, I dunno it's just me, heaven knows what I will do when I become part of another?


Lifeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, Why cant I just use my head to think about the prince, how he will find me and we will live happily ever after? Or better still my tandem jump, mountain hike, beach runsssssssssss , adventure adventure all the way. At least if prince no dey adventure dey guranteed?

Worries

Hello Blogs ville,

How is it going? Stole the title of this post from Linda Ikeji's Blog.
Like every other being I have my worries and I am gonna let them off my chest, I feel it helps and then I'll turn them around the way I want it to be, More like speak good into the situation, This should be a very nice exercise for me.

I am very worried about my life in general. Some days I wake up with the feeling that I can do everything and the sky is the limit, Other days I feel like a bum. I feel like I am a failure some days, I really can't say why, I' stopped masters after the 1st semester and I've been trying to focus on writing my professional exams and I still haven't done that. I ask my self if I would still feel like that after I have accomplished these goals or my mind will find something else to beat me up about ?

I am also very worried about the fact that I am great at coming up with ideas but never finish up the things I started, OK that's exaggerating , but after the 1st rush and thrill of it all, It takes a lot mentally for me to sit and continue with whatever it is I'm doing. So far so good, I'm on a project and I'm hell bent on seeing it to where I imagined and beyond. Abba God I know you are reading this, You are all I have ................


I am worried about my relationship with Seth. I can be a very confused being, I have a temper and I pray God gives me Patience. Recently I almost threw everything away. I know he is not a perfect person and I realise I need to learn to chill out and be a bit more supportive. Its hard some days I tell you. Seth and I are in a long distance relationship, We get to see from time to time . I love him, heaven knows I do, But some days, My mind tends to wonder. Not on other men but on life, Our Future together.

He makes me very excited and happy, I feel like a little girl when I'm around him, I get that feeling that I can go anywhere and stay anywhere with him. He's adventurous when it comes to some things, I feel like we make up for the other persons weakness. Like 2 pea's in a pod. A part of me is a peace with him, the other part of me that sees and thinks about all the negative in the world sees differently. Its a struggle within me some days. He loves me I know, but he's hard headed and I'm stubborn. A combination like that you can't beat. I've heard this " Can do come together except they agree" I am going to have to find a way to deal with my temper and mouth. Yes my mouth!!!

I think and imagine the very best of things to the worst of things, I really don't understand why I do that. I Imagine the happiest things every to the very worst. I can see someone dying in my head. I thank God I know him, Thinking about it now, that's how some people do crazy things.


I am worried about getting married and marriage in it self. Some days i feel this pressure that makes me feel like I should be married , I am happy that the voice of reason in my head comes on and reminds me of what marriage is all about. I am still worried anyways lol.


That wasn't so bad afterall,
Ciao
xxxxx

The Issue Of Marriage

I have a confession to make, I used to be a sucka for getting married early. I had my whole wedding planned out in my head, How I wanted my life to be and all.

I had planned that at 23 I would be married and 24 would have my 1st child. It's amazing how excited and all I would be about getting married and life there after with prince charming. I could actually picture it all in my head, Had envisioned different scenarios, The thing with me is, as much as I day dream and see all the great stuff I know life had to offer, I am also very good with thinking and for see the worst, Trust me even death.

Now I'm sure you are wondering why I said i "Used to be a sucka" well now Ive come to the point where, I'm not as excited as I used to be about it anymore, Th best word to describe it is fear. I've suddenly become afraid of settling down, the idea in it self is frightening, I dunno how all this started, I mean Ive always thot about how I would be accountable to someone else, I would have to shed this whole independent Act and all, working as a team, Building our home together, Loving him, building a friendship, companionship . For some strange reason ( even though I have not been asked and I am in a very serious relationship), I've just become cold when it comes to that issue now. I have started thinking about all the other things I could do with my life that don't include marriage. I've also gotten very afraid of leaving the nest( now pls, bear in mind that I have been living alone for the past 5 years), But I still talk to my Mother every blessed day the Good Lord has made.

The thought of leaving my family and joining another to start our own, Changing my last name, (Actually if I get my way i want to Hyphenate my last name Oruko baba lasgidi- Oruko Oko) is quite overwhelming. I wake up now a days with the feeling that marriage is not for me and I wouldn't be able to hold my home, Like I wont last long in it.

In short I need to change this need found Fear or whatever it is called, My Mother for one must not hear of this rubbish, if not nah prayer and fasting she go take scatter my own. In all seriousness, I feel I need to be more prayerful, I hate it when I feel this way. DEPRESSION, FEELING LOW, CONFUSION ETC to me are the work of the devil. I've come to realise that when I take my relationship with God very serious, I feel very safe, things work out the way they should, I dunno it's a very good feeling.

Watever it is, I am sure Iwill over come it by God's grace.

This Big Heart Of Mine.

So for the past one week I've been feeling like the girl with the largest heart, Yes pls let me praise my self. After all I've done for people, I need it. Enough of the Praises, Well the problem now is that I feel like the more you do for the people, the less they appreciate the things you do.and the more they take advantage of you.
I should have actually started this off as a rant, but ohh well it's all Good. I feel like when people esp friends realise ur the Mrs generous they want to suck you dry.

Example
I have a room mate, who's employment situation has been off and on, fine. Some days she can afford the rent and Other days she can't. That's cool , *We are our brothers keepers*. The part that's kills me now is that, The weather out here is cool and u can sleep with or without a fan, Pls why does she have the air conditioner on in her room at night? You can hardly afford the rent, who is gonna take care of the Electricity bills MOI?

2. I have some cousins visiting who cannot even help me carry anything back with them to Nigeria. Meanwhile when I go, I carry stuff for them, Who says I don't have stuff to carry too ?

3. I have a friend who's asked me to help her do something, OK fine I agreed to help out but pls let me do it in my own time, u can't sit on my neck and then become a thorn in my flesh!!!!


The beautiful thing about all these people, Is that I am sure if the tables were turned they wouldn't do half of what I have done. I really can understand why people do not go out of their way to do things for other people.

The sad part about my rant is that , It hurts when I say no to people, I tell u , Its not cos I am trying to get in their good books or anything, it just that I feel that God has been with me and has answered me every time I've called him. I feel like, If God hears my Cry even when I have fallen off the path, Who am I to say no to my fellow being?

I should actually change this attitude and see what happens?

The Rebel and The African Man

I've been reflecting lately and I've come to the conclusion that I've got alot of mouth on me . Yes I said it , "A whole lotta mouth" , This independent woman thing no easy, cos when u decide u want to be dependent (I mean that in the sense of step down and become all womanly, mushy mush, leaving the reins for someone else) nah wahala ohh. I can testify to it, cos I am in that dilemma.

Before I go, Let me describe my MR to you, Lets call him, Seth. See Seth nah in between Naija Guy, Today he is so westernised and Liberal and tomorrow he is the traditional African man. Me self tire for the fluctuation, Lol ( He's my darling sha). I tell u, He can feel like one traditional person like dat OMG, U guys need to see him, when he swings into action. We never marry self, but when I do something wrong nah " Now Woman listen to me " I go hear. lmao u need to hear him say it, it's so funny. He's like any other Naija man I know, Who wants to wear the pant's in the relationship. Really, I personally dont have a problem wit it, but My mouth does.................

Yes Lasgidi and Her mouth, U see by the time he is on A, Lasgidi has reached P, I tell you, Some days I shake my head and feel sorry for my self, u would think my mouth is on fast forward, ( Pls don't get me wrong, I don't hurl curses or abuses or anything of that sort) Its just that I love arguing. Kai I neva see my type before. My mama self don warn me say make I learn to keep quiet and let somethings go. Ohh the poor guy!!! I wonder how he copes with me, In my defence I must say he doesn't take it easy too with me when I start. lol

Let me address the cause of this MOUTH, I have,

I hate feeling vulnerable, wrong or stupid- Yes I can't deal with not being in control of anything, A soon as I realise I've lost power at some point, Trouble starts. Ohh well let me say I argue my way back to control. Lol, It's an uneasy feeling I just can't explain it. I AM SUCH A DRAMA QUEEN. 1st off I start crying about every little thing, I swear the vulnerable thing gets under my skin, Dunno what am gonna do with my self when it comes to marriage.
Seth on the other hand cannot stomach this behavior and he tends to build a wall around himself, Jesus the worst thing u can do. Well, yours truly starts arguing about how u looked at me when u came in so we can talk and I can get outta my state of God knows what. Lol

Second thing is, There is this thing in my head that compares everyone I date with my Father. It's a horrible thing. OMG. I need to stop it. As soon as I smell a trait of Baba Lasgidi on you, Omo nah die ohh. I love my father today, so I feel guilty for putting this down. But kai the greatest fear I have is marrying someone like my dad. It's another thing I cannot explain.

Third thing is, I AM STUBBORN !!! Well I've started Working on it. I am so set in my ways its unbelievable.

So I decided last month to be the Woman the Bible talks about and control the head from the neck, Lol. I tell you its not been easy but at least Seth's Happier and I am learning alot from this change...............


I thank God for Seth in my life, who has learnt to tolerate and love me with my drama.

love ya Babes.

My Father

The 1st thing I remember about my dad is not the best of all.
I remember I was 5 and my mum came home one night and said we had to run away, she said we had to pack our bag that mama kehinde ( Our next door neighbour) was going to take us to her sisters house.

I remember things weren't so great BTW my parents, back then we lived in a 2 bedroom apt, one room for my mum, the maid and I and the other for my dad. Anytime , I entered my dad's room then, fear would grip me. I remember that anytime we heard his horn or a hr to the time he was to come home my mum would put off the TV and fan it so my dad couldn't tell we had been watching it. we would run to the room and fake sleep, even my mother, yes we all did.

Back to that nite, we rushed and left the maid in the house, fleeing like our lives depended on it, We went to my mum's sisters house. My mum's sis made sure I didn't leave her site for 2 days, It was like my father would appear any minute to come and take me away. During the time we were at my aunt's, they had explained to me I was going to London, even then I understood what was going on and was only too happy to be run away with my mum.

I remember the fear that rushed thru my veins at the airport cos I realised that my mum kept hiding me till we boarded.We arrived in London, it was blissful and I really don't remember much except I was happy until one evening my mum came home with my father!!! She says lasgidi "its daddy, say hello to daddy" I remember stepping back wondering why he had come back..........


Fast forward to today, I was thinking about this because I haven't called my father since February. He had a heart surgery last yr and before u crucify me, My mother and I were there for him. Just been avoiding him lately dunno why. Too many thing have happened thru the years.
He treated us BADLY, Ohh yes he did . Some days I wake up and I feel like I love my father to death and try to convince my younger ones that they should show the man some love , Other days I'm lost my self. I guess I am going thru that phase again.
A part of me feels very guilty and the other part cannot be bothered.

Writing Phobia!!!

Happy New Yr, It's not too late i hope? I know I started my blog and I abandoned it, Well you can't blame me, Confusion is a disaster!!!

I'm Happy to say there's a stronger and happier me,I look back now and I'm glad I went thru those emotions cos it helped me gain a better understanding of myself.

Well moving along cos that is definitely the last talk on this blog of pain, hurt, breakup, etc, (Baba God I hope you are reading this). I have started seeing someone else and pls before anyone says that why she's a stronger person , I totally disagree.

So 2008 was a yr of YES WE CAN'S, Gosh I feel so empowered every time I see Obama's Picture, lol and well I guess in my own little way i did my bit. I have decided to start blogging regularly becos I have a fear of writing really !!! as in anything, even just sending emails. Its crazy I still don't understand it, but i know it is affecting me at work , So I am hoping that with time, the blog and some classes I will be able to get over this "phobia". Its really not as if I can't express myself , I think I let fear of heaven knows what get a hold of me and I keep second guessing myself. If you really want to get me, Just ask me to do a write up on anything and you will see fear written all over my face. So I guess I'll take it in strides and see how it goes, Pls suggestions are sooooooooo welcomed.